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The Redneck Workout Plan

You don't have to necessarily be a total redneck to follow these workout plans, but it helps if you at least live in or near the country. These are great things to do when you can't get to the gym, or can't afford to go to no fancy gym. Warning - these exercises are not for wimps, and you might ought to wear gloves, or you'll blister your hands real quick like.

1. Chop wood! That's right spit out the chewin' tobaccy, throw away the cigarettes and pick up an ax. Seriously, when I want to get cut, I grab an ax, and I don't mean the kind of cut that comes before bleeding. I mean ripped. For advanced wood choppers, go to the next level, and chop faster. It seriously is a great way to burn calories and the intensity can really burn off the fat.

But for you green horns out there, wear gloves or your workout won't last long. Plus, if you are prone to accidents, skip this one. I mean it, clumsy people, don't do it. This one is for men who know how to handle an ax! Ok, women too, if we have to be pooolitically correct.

The downside is it may be rough on your shoulder so pay attention and know when to quit.

2. Tire pulling and pushing! Find you a big old tractor tire and start playing with it. This is a great one. In fact, it's getting pretty popular with those that like to do strong men type workouts. To lift a tractor tire all the way up and push it over, and then start all over again works almost every muscle in your body, and it does it in a natural continuous flow. See, sometimes working out at the gym, you tend to work on one muscle group at a time, whereas, in real life, a feller works everything at once doing work around the farm.

3. Lift logs! This is where cutting wood comes in handy as now you have logs of various sizes and shapes you can pick up. You can use the nice long skinny logs to lift up and down over your head for a shoulder workout. Large round logs can be used for picking up off the ground and heaving to one side.

4. Rope climbing! Make sure you have a good strong rope, and that it's attached to a good strong tree. If you've been eating too good, you'd better make sure it's a real strong tree! Now just climb up and down. Now that's a workout!

5. Run! If you've got a hill, run up it. If you don't, just run on flat ground. Build up your speed as you go and watch out for crawdad holes. You can get a busted ankle real easy that way. If you ain't in good enough shape to run yet, just walk. Walk up and down your property. Remember, sitting around watching TV is an awful waste of living in the country. It is a true shame how many country boys are in worse shape these days than folks that live in the city. Folks in the city walk everywhere, whereas we country folk are spoiled. We drive everywhere.

For adding speed and agility, try chasing the dog, or the chickens around. Remember how Rocky chased a chicken in Rocky II? Dogs love to play chase, so make your dog's day. Have fun!

6. Basic exercises! Don't forget all the basic stuff you can do inside the house that even city slickers can do, that is, nothing beats the tried and true push-ups, sit-ups, and squats.

7. Work on your car! Yes, this one is mainly good for your arms. I'm not kidding, did you ever try arm wrestling a mechanic? They've got forearm strength like you won't believe! It's all that turning and pulling wrenches all day.

8. Mow the yard! Mostly good for you if it's a push mower. Just don't cut your foot off!

9. Tree climbing! I'm not saying you have to climb high enough to risk falling and killing yourself. Just grab hold of a good strong low branch and do some pull ups. Depending on the branches and the tree, you can do all kinds of variations on this exercise. For instance, you might have to put your hands close together and pull up, or if you get lucky, and find a nice long strong branch, you could do a regular pull up. Some of you all haven't climbed a tree since you was a youngin. I'd be ashamed! Some of you would make a whole dang 100 year old tree fall down from your weight from all the biscuits you been eating. Seriously though, take it slow. If you get injured it just down right ruins your next workout.

It all comes down to this - get up off your lazy butt and do something. Science has proven that sitting around is bound to give you a heart attack much quicker than if you stay up and moving all day long. You don't have to get your heart racing, just get up and do some work around the house, and you'll be healthier for it.

Oh, and watch what you eat. Hot dogs are not real food, and contrary to popular belief, buttermilk biscuits are not healthy. They ain't good for nothing but making a man fat. Even folks that stay busy and exercise all day can only get so far when they eat junk food all day long. Heck, if you live in the country you can grow your own organic vegetables. Get exercise and eat high on the hog all at the same time! Don't get no better than that!

written by Tim Frady life long country boy

Consult your personal physician before beginning any new diet or exercise program.

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